RvBY: Arrival
by Hannibal-Necromancer97
Summary: The Infinity lands on an unknown world inhabited by, of all things, humans. When a local criminal manages to release Dr. Church, the Reds, Blues, and Infinity crew must work with the planet's military and otherwise to bring him back in. (Rated T for adult language and imaginative violence.) (Volumes 1&2 have been condensed. Now with 15% more descriptive narration!)
1. Change of Course

16 days after the events of _Red vs. Blue vs. Green_ , onboard UNSC Infinity

"…Is it done yet?" Tucker asked, tapping his foot impatiently.

"No, it's not done yet," Dr. Halsey said. She was currently tinkering with the teal sim-trooper's helmet so he could communicate with the Sangheili on board, but his incessant prodding was almost too much. She looked up at the Master Chief, who stood by the Stein's Child unit. "You had to put up with this for thirty whole hours?"

"On and off," he answered, "but yes."

She sighed. "I feel so bad for putting you through that."

"Yeah, yeah," Tucker said, "just fix my helmet."

"What's got your panties in a bunch?" Church asked, projecting next to his comrade.

"I keep trying to make nice with the aliens, but I'm saying shit wrong. I'm pretty sure one guy cussed me out when I went 'blaarg honk.' That's 'hello,' isn't it?"

"Fuck, I don't know. Why're you asking me how to speak alien?"

"Because you're right here. And you're a computer."

Dr. Halsey shook her head. Thirty hours, she thought, I'm on my last nerve speaking with them for thirty minutes! Poor John… She looked at the Stein's Child pod, which the Chief was currently standing by. "Do you plan to use that, Cortana?"

The AI in question appeared on the pedestal next to Halsey. "I haven't decided yet," she debated. "I liked being human, but I also like the freedom of movement I get from being in the ship."

"Well, why don't we build me a body?" Church offered. "I threw my old one away in Freelancer HQ, but now I kinda miss it."

Halsey began to shake her head, but then began to ponder. "Could we do that?"

"Theoretically," Delta appeared next to Church. "Assuming our scan results are accurate, we could collect the required materials to construct a body using the appropriate device. Alpha-Epsilon will probably request a significantly more masculine body, but Gamma and Theta seem to want to find out what he would look like as a female." He looked at Church. "Personally, I am curious to see if the unit will even be capable of manufacturing a completely new body. I suppose we will know when and if it works." On that note, he disappeared back into Alpha's collective conscious.

Church looked back at Halsey. "So?"

The professor scratched her chin. "If we can gather the necessary components, we could model it after Dr. Church -"

"No." He interrupted, irritatedly crossing his arms. "I'm not gonna be modeled after that bastard a second time. Can't we make one from scratch?"

"Quite possibly. We'd still require a hair sample, a Petri dish of skin cells, and time to map a brand new face. I would also need to be certain the unit can even make male bodies; it was intended specifically for Cortana's use."

"So it'll be a while," Cortana summarized. "In the meantime, feel free to explore the ship; just keep in mind that certain areas are strictly prohibited."

"How strict?" Tucker asked.

"Let me put it to you this way: if you attempt to force your way into the cockpit, brig, engine room, or core room, you'd have a better chance of living through a fight with Chief here."

"Very strict," Church simplified with a nod. "Got it."

"Have fun."

"And Private Tucker," Halsey tossed him his finished helmet. "Don't say anything you'll regret."

/-/

"So brig, cockpit, engine, core," Church repeated as Tucker strode through the ship. "We know what's in the brig; we can imagine what the cockpit is like; the only places we can't go that would be an issue are the core and engine rooms."

"Big deal," Tucker said. "Tell me to stay out of the women's quarters; then I'll be upset I can't go there."

"Tucker, that's kind of implied. Don't even try it."

"Cortana said 'explore the ship,' so I'm gonna explore. Follow somebody else if you don't wanna come with."

"Shit! That reminds me: I gotta babysit Caboose and make sure he doesn't kill anyone." Tucker almost questioned that statement, but thought better of it given Caboose's track record. "Talk to you later."

"Later."

So, with Church now gone, Tucker began his expedition through the ship. He walked for several hours, still unsure of whether to talk to the resident aliens or their leader, the Arbiter, and finally found himself standing behind a group of marines. "What's going on?"

"Had a breach in security a couple of weeks ago," one said. Tucker hadn't bothered learning anyone's names, seeing as he didn't really associate with them. "Higher-ups are trying to figure out who did it."

"Sounds like they suspect you guys."

"If something goes wrong, it's always either us or the Elites. Either way, someone's going in the brig."

"That's bullshit."

"You're preaching to the choir," another spoke.

"Yeah," said a third, "and with so many of us away from our posts for this stupid examination, a lot of areas suddenly become vulnerable. Take the guy near the front, Jones; while they're questioning him, nobody's covering the core room. And while Jackson's here, the pilots have no one outside."

"What about you? What would you be doing normally by now?"

"I'm usually the guy who covers for Jones, but they dragged me over here too. And since I don't have a backup guy either, that shit's wide open."

"…Wait… The core room is open right now?"

"Yeah." He pointed at Tucker. "Don't think about going in there."

"I gotta go!" Tucker ran back the way he came with the marine shouting after him. Shit, he thought. You guys don't have to worry about me, but I came here with someone you should.

/-/

"Thanks, Simmons," Washington said once his armor had a solid coat of cobalt paint, "But tell me again why we're doing this?"

"Well, officially, Agent Washington is a Freelancer," Simmons pointed out, setting his airbrush down. "That means that you'd have to be kept in the brig if you were still Washington."

"But I am Washington," the ex agent argued.

"In a sense. However, you want to be as free as Tex is to roam about the ship. Thus, we can abuse a technicality in Cortana's reports."

"And that is?"

"Well, when she arrived with the Master Chief, she reportedly had psychological profiles on all of us, and a list of our names and ranks. According to the report, there are four Reds, three Blues, two robots, a medic, a jeep, and a tank. It would be awfully suspicious if any of those numbers change for reasons unknown, right?"

"Right. I still don't fully understand, though."

"It's like this: Since Church ditched his body on the Mother of Invention, Blue Team would have been short one member. You don't want to be in prison for the rest of your life, and Cortana's reports don't need to be inaccurate, so you're going to have to play Church for a while."

"Think of it like this," Cortana said, appearing on the projector by the door, "We'll be doing each other a favor this way."

Tucker burst through the door wheezing. He put his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. "Tucker?" Simmons asked. "What's going on?"

The aqua soldier put up a finger before composing himself to the best of his ability. "Where's -" He stopped, looking dumbfounded at Wash. "…Why is he blue?"

"To make a long story short, he's incognito."

"Whatever. Where's Caboose?" Everyone in the room shrugged. "Oh my fucking god…" He turned on Cortana's pedestal. "Can't you find him?"

"Relax, Tucker," she said. "I'm sure he won't get into any trouble."

"I'm not worried about him getting himself into trouble."

/-/

Caboose walked quietly through the Infinity's main corridor, humming a song he couldn't quite remember the words to. He didn't really know where the hall led, nor did he know where the ship was going. All the blue sim-trooper had on his mind were two things: I have to go to the bathroom, and Twinkle, twinkle, e-f-g, how I wonder a-b-c.

It wasn't too long before he came to the end of the hallway, finding a door with words on it. "Cu…" he read, "Cu… Cor-ee Ruh-ohm - Room! Corey Room… Well, I hope Corey's room also has a bathroom." He entered, finding a large chamber with an equally big pulsating white-blue thing with cables linked up to it. "…Corey has a fancy toilet," Caboose mused, approaching the giant cylinder.

/-/

[Error] the readout said to the pilot's right, [Core Anomaly].

"Huh?" He tapped the screen in confusion. "What the actual -?"

It was about then the alarm sounded throughout the ship. "What's going on?" Commander Lasky asked.

"I'm not sure, sir, but ah… according to this, we're about to enter slipspace."

"Why?!"

"I don't know; it's out of my control!"

"Then get it under control!"

/-/

"…Hm?"

"What is it, Cortana?" Dr. Halsey asked.

"We've just entered slipspace," she relayed curiously.

"Why?" Chief asked. "Last time I checked, we were almost to our destination."

Cortana's avatar shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. There's an anomaly in the core room; that might be what caused it."

/-/

"Caboose!"

"Gah!" Caboose stumbled backward at the sudden sound of Church's voice, causing him to expel more urine.

"Why are you in the core room?" he asked. After a moment of nearly-dead silence, he finally realized the answer to his question. "Oh fuck. Caboose, do you have any idea what you just did?"

"A number one."

"All units, brace for slipspace exit in T-minus 13 seconds," said the commander's voice over the intercom. "And somebody clear out the core room when we're out!"

/-/

The ship shuddered slightly as it exited slipspace. Below the Infinity now sat a terrestrial planet that vaguely resembled Earth. Bits of meteoroid dotted the orbit around the body, and many areas of the surface below were stained ink-black. "Cortana," Lasky asked, "where are we?"

Cortana appeared on the pedestal behind the pilot's seat. "Currently, we're somewhere in space, orbiting a terrestrial body one-point-one-six times the size of Earth. A quick scan just a moment ago revealed that the atmosphere is 63% nitrogen and 34% oxygen, with traces of others mixed in - primarily water vapor and ozone." She paused giving the surface of the unknown globe a sweep. "Surface is roughly 28% land mass with abundant plant life. Basic results don't show any intelligent life, but I'm still working."

"That was fast."

"I might have had a head start on the primary scan." Another pause. "…What in the…?"

"What is it?"

"…We're being pinged. Something, or someone, on the surface sees us. They're using a long-range radar system like humans had in the early 2000s."

Lasky began to think. "Can you open a hailing frequency?"

"I can try." Cortana shot a few scattered broadcasts to the planet's surface. "Unidentified planet, this is United Nations Security Council Infinity. If you are receiving this message, we come in peace. Please respond."

She attempted several more times, sending the signal to other locations across the planet. Minutes passed before a weak response returned on the seventeenth try. "Unit-. . . Infinity . . ."

"We have contact!"

Cortana severed the remaining broadcasts to focus on the one that was working. She repeated the message. ". . . Read you, Infini- . . . -eral Ironwood. What is your agenda? Over."

"This is UNSC Commander Lasky. Our ship had a malfunction and we need to land for repairs. We come in peace, I repeat, we come in peace. Over."

"…Roger, Comm-. . . You're clear. Und. . .nd that we will not hesitate to fight ba-. . . ou try anything. Over and out."

The transmission severed, and Lasky sighed. "Well, that was awfully convenient."

"Who would've thought we'd find an English-speaking planet all the way outside of human space?" Cortana said. "Chief and I are gonna greet the locals. You want to come?"

"I have nothing better to do. Besides, it's only customary I greet this 'Ironwood' person. Pilot, bring us in on those coordinates."

/-/

"No."

"Come on, Chief."

"I said no." The Spartan's arms were crossed as he continued to refuse. "I'm not going to set foot in unknown territory without my armor."

"I put together a whole body just so I don't raise eyebrows," she complained, gesturing to the fresh pair of legs under her. "What will they think if you come out looking like you're ready to conquer the world?" He remained silent in his resolve, forcing a sigh out of Cortana. "Fine, just stay on the ship, then."

He shook his head. "I'm not letting you leave alone, either. Especially with the Blood Gulchers."

"Then take off the armor."

"I already said no."

"Hey, why doesn't he just wear the inner layer?" Church suggested. "It'll save time, it's durable, and we can _fuckin' go already!"_

Cortana paused. "…That hadn't occurred to me." She turned to Chief. "Is that okay?"

A hard thirty seconds went by before Chief slacked his arms. "I'm taking my rifle with me."

"Pistol. Remember that talk about conquering the world?"

"Then I'm taking a knife too."

"Fine," Tucker said, "whatever, let's just go! I'm starting to feel claustrophobic with all of us in this little lab."

/-/

With Chief and the others no longer in their heavy armor, the Infinity landed haphazardly in the very clearly non-UNSC dock where the signal had roughly originated.

At the bottom of the ramp, a young girl about half a head shorter than Cortana's latest body greeted them. "Salutations!" she waved enthusiastically. Assuming she was one of the planet's predominant occupants, Cortana began a quick analysis: Starting from the top, the girl had mid-long, curled red-orange hair tied at the back with a pink bow. Her eyes were vivid green, and she had an array of freckles across pale cheeks. She wore a short, light tan dress with a black-and-green collar and matching stockings. All in all, she looked in every way like a human girl. "We don't get many visitors here; especially not from space."

"I don't guess you're Ironwood?" Lasky joked.

The girl shook her head. "General Ironwood is off-site at the moment, but he was on his way when he called six minutes and fifty-two seconds ago. He made sure I promised to be accomodating in his absence so, if you like, I can answer any questions you have while we wait for him."


	2. Public Relations

"What planet are we on, miss…" Cortana paused, "Penny, was it?"

Penny nodded. "This world is called 'Remnant.' It is home to many forms of life I am sure you will love to learn about. Presently, two intelligent and distinct sapient species live on this planet: humans and faunus."

"Humans on a planet far from home," Lasky said. "How about that?"

"What are these 'faunus?' "

" 'Faunus' is the broad term used to describe a person or persons exhibiting primarily humanoid traits, usually having one or more fully functional parts found otherwise in animals."

"What like tails and such?" Doc asked.

"Tails, extra ears, retractable claws, and a rare few even have wings. There is a whole catalog of information that -"

"No," Tucker interrupted, "I think we're good."

"What defines a human on this planet?" Cortana asked. "I'm curious."

"Humans are the predominant form of intelligent life currently existing on Remnant. They are characterized by having light-to-dark tan skin and a rainbow of eye and hair colors. It is uncommon to see two humans who look physically similar, even within the same family, with the sole exception being certain pairs of twins."

"So crowds are a nightmare for people with epilepsy," Grif mused sarcastically. "Good to know."

"With this in mind," Penny continued, "humans and faunus look approximately like all of you, to a fault of less than two percent; I'm certain you will not attract too much attention." She looked at Chief and Texas, hiccupped, and added, "Most of you." She approached the latter, simply staring for a minute before returning her attention to Cortana and Lasky. "I find your android most interesting," she said with a smile. "I would like to run it through its paces in the future."

Tex would have twitched. "'It?'"

"Calm down, Tex," Wash said. "We don't need to go killing the locals just because they say something wrong."

Penny hiccupped again. "Apologies; I hadn't realized it had personality software downloaded." She looked at Wash. "Are you the programmer?"

"Nah, but I used to work for the guy who was."

 _"General is on site,"_ reported a voice over the speakers.

Penny smiled, clapping her hands together. "General Ironwood has arrived!"

Sarge muttered, "Maybe he won't be so… chatty."

Moments later, an impressive-looking man entered. He wore a white suit with a black undercoat and red tie. His hair was black, but faded to gray at the sides, and a small metal plate sat above his right eye. His expression changed from professional to somewhat quizzical as he looked over Lasky and company. "Penny," he said, "Where are our visitors?"

"Right in front of you," Lasky said, stepping forward. "Commander Lasky, UNSC Infinity."

"Ah," the man said, shaking his hand, "you're the one I spoke with, then?" Lasky nodded. "General Ironwood, Atlesian Military. Welcome to Remnant."

"I take it you're the head of this operation?"

"General Ironwood is in charge of the ground forces of the military," Penny said.

"Be that as it may, I'm not in complete control," Ironwood supplemented. "I have bosses like anyone else. And right now, they want to know what our new friends are doing on Remnant. Would you mind if we walked and talked, Commander?"

"Lead the way."

As Lasky left with the General, Penny stopped the rest from advancing. "I have to ask you to stay here, please. Your Commander Lasky will return with him before long."

"How long is 'before long,' exactly?" Sarge asked.

"I would estimate two hours and ten minutes, depending on the nature and number of inquiries. You may want to make yourselves comfortable."

/-/

"So, what brings you to our little speck of the cosmos?" Ironwood asked as he and Lasky walked.

"Our slipspace drive malfunctioned," the Commander explained. "We'll be gone as soon as it's repaired."

" 'Slipspace?' "

"Like a wormhole, but a whole lot safer. I'm not big on tech-talk, so I don't know the exact science behind it."

The general nodded. "Do you have any idea what could have caused the malfunction?"

"Nothing solid, but I'm suspecting it's one of the people the Master Chief brought back with him." He paused. "The really tall one is Chief."

"Ah."

"It's either that or one of the prisoners got loose," Lasky thought aloud.

"You have prisoners?"

"Yeah. Some mean ones, actually. Chief just took down an incredibly dangerous organization called Freelancer. We have its director and a few agents aboard."

"Well here, we have the White Fang; an extremist group of faunus run by the most annoying human on the planet. I'm not sure how he got them to listen to him, but they do everything he says."

"They use explosives?"

"They haven't yet, thankfully, but we're always prepared." A thought occurred to Ironwood. "Do you have people guarding those prisoners?"

"Of course. Two of my best are watching them in the brig. If there was a soldier for the job, it'd be a Spartan."

"I see. Well, I'm sure they can handle it."

"They'd better; otherwise, what am I paying them for?"

It was at this moment the base decided to begin exploding.

/-/

The leader of the White Fang's Scout Squad Beta, known to herself, her friends, and the boss as Eerie, lobbed another fire bomb into the compound. It wasn't very interesting work, but she got paid sixty lien for every soldier she was able to take out. So far today, that was 720 lien just for chucking bombs like a maniac. She almost drooled at the numbers she could imagine earning with a more precise weapon. And a cut of Dust for every hundred targets bimonthly didn't hurt either; it was how she got her explosives to pack such a punch.

Another impressive explosion rocked the complex, igniting some boxes and a tarp as she yelled orders to her underlings, her personal favorite being "Kill anything that moves!" She smiled under her mask. She liked having underlings to order around. It was one of the perks of being a captain. Of course she was leagues away from having any real say with the boss, but at least she could enjoy her work.

Eerie looked over at the group of misfits that had exited the giant ship minutes ago. _Hm…_ she wondered. _Do those ones count for my salary? …Only one way to find out._ She primed another explosive, and was ready to throw it when the biggest one started to advance on her. She froze. _Damn he's big!_

/-/

In seconds, Chief was on top of the grenade-happy terrorist, batting the pipe bomb out of her hand the moment before it exploded. Another instant later, he had her arm pinned behind her with his knife at her throat. "Call off your men," he said flatly.

"Or what?" she sneered, "You'll kill me? That's just typical." She headbutted him, immediately regretting the decision once she was free, "Agh… Nobody wins with a headbutt." She rubbed the back of her head before charging at the giant.

Chief blocked and parried punch after kick as he called to the others. "I can't do everything myself!"

"You look like you've got this!" Grif called back.

A larger opponent, almost as big as the Spartan, tackled the Reds to the ground. Texas pushed him off of them, lowering herself into a stance as he cracked his neck. "Interesting," he growled. "The aliens brought a toy for me to play with."

Texas would have blinked if she had real eyes. It was uncanny how much he reminded her of Maine; from the stance he took to fight right down to his aggressive demeanor. She called back to Wash. "I think I just found Maine's long lost brother."

"Jokes?" Washington said, taking up the fight next to her. "At a time like this?"

"Just thought I'd try it. The opportunity presented itself." The giant aggressor charged, meeting both of the ex Freelancers' fists. When he didn't go down, it was made clear how much trouble he could be. "Just like Maine."

"I don't know who this 'Maine' is," the terrorist grunted, pulling a menacing chainsaw off his back, "but I feel like we'll get along just fine."

/-/

A commotion could be heard through the wall of Dr. Church's cell. Gunfire, explosions, and a lot of shouting were among the noise, and he could have sworn he heard a chainsaw rumbling. "Sounds like a party out there," North said.

"And we weren't invited," South supplemented. Maine howled in boredom, bolted to the wall with heavy-duty braces. "Quit struggling, big guy, those binds could hold the Incredible Hulk."

"…Are you alright, sir?" Carolina asked the Director. "You spaced out again."

"I'm fine, Ali - …Carolina." He sighed. "I was just wallowing in my defeat…"

"Well, if you're done wallowing," said a new voice from the door. Everyone looked up to see a man in a white suit and black hat. His hair was the color of fire, and he carried a cane in his offhand. Behind him stood a diminutive woman with absurdly pink-and-brown hair, who continuously jabbed one of the piles of dead Spartan by the door with a narrow blade. "Tell me, which of you is Dr. Church?"

/-/

Roman looked around the brig. It was nice enough; could use a once over with a dust buster. On the back wall was a monstrous man that reminded him of the Lieutenant. Among the others were a light blonde man and woman who looked too alike not to be related, a redheaded woman, and an admittedly unimpressive older gentleman.

This was the man Roman decided to approach. His hair was dark with a twinge of silver, and his eyes were green. He had a beard, and a good number of creases folded into his brow - not too few, not too many. Roman knocked on the cell's glass door. "You're able to hear me, right?" When no response came, he turned around. "Neo, would you be a dear?" She nodded, grabbing his sleeve as they both vanished into white light momentarily. They rematerialized on the other side of the door. "Thank you."

The man looked up in surprise. "How did -?"

"Please, Doctor," he held a hand up, "we're professionals."

Dr. Church sat up. "What do you want with me?"

"And what's with the getup?" the blonde woman said impatiently.

"Easy, South," said her brother. "We don't need to provoke anyone."

Roman sighed. "Doctor, please control your pets; I'm trying to make a deal with you, and their barking isn't helping with my migraine."

The woman, who must have been South, punched the glass. "Take that back you overdressed -!"

A loud piercing sound ripped through the air. South looked down, horrified at the long, thin sword protruding from her chest. She coughed once. "…That… can't be… good." The blade withdrew itself, and South dropped like a sack of bricks.

Her brother yelled, and Neo pinned him to his seat with an incredibly durable umbrella. "You bitch!" he cried, trying to attack the silent woman to no avail.

"Relax, big bro," Roman said calmly, "she's going to live. At least until she makes me or Neo mad." Neo stuck her tongue out, flashing back out of the cell. "Still, you might want to put a bandage on that; you can only lose so much blood and stay alive.

"Now," he turned his attention back to Dr. Church, "I have a proposition for you, Doctor."

"…I'll listen," he answered. "But only if you leave the discipline of my agents to me."

Roman grinned. "Now that's the spirit."

/-/

As Tex, Wash, Sarge, Tucker, and Chief fought terrorists, Cortana retreated with Grif, Simmons, Donut, and Doc to where Penny was. "We should be helping Sarge!" Simmons argued. "There's no telling what these guys can do!"

"The White Fang wouldn't be here if nothing of significance to them was," Penny said. "It's possible that a scout team nearby saw you land, and they're after whatever technology you brought with you."

Cortana smacked herself in the forehead. "The slipspace drive! If they get a hold of it, we'll never be able to leave!"

"You're sure about that?" Grif asked. "We can't just build another from scratch?"

"If you have the several decades it would take for this planet to have the appropriate technology to do so, then yes. Otherwise, we only have the one." She looked at Penny. "Can you fight?"

Penny shook her head. "I am not combat ready at this time." A thought struck her. "But I think I know who is."

"Who?" Doc asked.

"If you can give me five minutes, I can call my friend Ruby and her friends."

"Are they good?" Donut asked.

She nodded enthusiastically. "They are very good."

"Then call them," Cortana said as another explosion rocked the facility. "Quickly!"


	3. Break-Up Breakdown

/-some time earlier-/

"Weiss? Come on, Weiss, I said I'm sorry! Wait up!"

" 'Sorry' isn't going to be enough this time. You humiliated me all over the Intranet!"

"It was one time," Ruby defended. "I wouldn't have posted that video if I'd known you were gonna react like this."

"Ugh," she groaned, "How else would I react?"

Ruby caught the heiress by the arm. "Look, I only put it up because I think you're cute. When that thought crossed my mind, I thought others would think the same thing."

Weiss crossed her arms. "You weren't wrong. Thanks to your little thought, people won't stop offering me ice cream in baby talk! It's insulting!"

"How can I make it up to you?"

Weiss turned, walking slowly away with her head down. "…I don't know if you can this time."

"But -"

"I'm sorry Ruby…" She choked up. "Please, excuse me."

As Weiss left, Ruby couldn't immediately understand what had just happened but, once she could, her heart sank like a stone. She shuffled silently back to the room, her eyes already welling with tears. About an hour later, she'd made it to her bed and crawled in, crying uncontrollably. "Ruby?" said a familiar voice, eventually, from the other side of the door. "Rubes, you okay?"

"Go away," Ruby sobbed, trying to calm down.

"What's wrong, sis? You sound like…" Yang almost knocked down the door when she entered, her eyes wide. "Oh my god she dumped you, didn't she?" Ruby began to cry again, burying her face in her pillow. Yang joined her atop her bunk. "Hey, calm down. Tell me what happened."

/-/

Weiss walked quietly through the academy's garden. Tears attempted to escape the corners of her eyes, but she forced them back; she had to keep her composure if nothing else. "Something is troubling you," said a voice.

She turned, seeing the cross-legged figure of a sitting Lie Ren under a tree. "I don't know what…" she cleared her throat, "what you're talking about."

"Mmhm." A short pause before he asked, "Would you like a seat?"

Hesitantly, she sat, finding a comfortable position on her knees as Ren continued. "Now, what ails you? It's not like the Ice Queen to be caught in a funk like this."

She began to protest, but slumped her shoulders. "It's… Ruby," she sighed. "Up until recently, I've been able to handle her antics, but she finally crossed a line yesterday that she shouldn't have."

"Ah. The video, isn't it?" Weiss nodded. "Tell me: What about your minute of fame on the Intranet was so bad that it could strike a nerve like it did?"

"I…" Ren looked at her expectantly. "I… don't know."

/-/

"…A video?"

Ruby nodded, wiping tears from her eyes. "Weiss and I were making videos the other day and one of them was really cute, so I put it up on U-tube."

"That doesn't sound so bad," Yang said as Ruby looked down.

"…It has seventeen-thousand views and two hundred likes." A moment of silence passed between the two before Yang slapped Ruby across the back of her head. "OW! Why…?"

"Because that's the pettiest thing I've ever heard! So you posted a video that blew up instantly; so Ice Queen doesn't enjoy it; big deal! Did you mean well by it?"

"Yeah, but -"

"Then why are you beating yourself up?"

"Because I don't know anymore!" Ruby snapped. "I thought it was because I wanted her to like it, but now… now I just don't know…"

/-/

"Do you feel better now," Ren asked, "knowing that you don't?"

"No…" Weiss said, defeated.

"Do you want to feel better?"

"…Yes."

He smiled, leaning back. "Then my work is done. The rest is up to you." He looked at her. "Go to her. Apologize for overreacting. You needn't take her back, but you must make amends or neither of you will never recover from this."

Weiss stood. "Thanks, Ren. I'll go talk to her right now." She turned to leave, but stopped. "Um…" Looking back, she asked a question of her own, "What are you doing out here, anyway?"

"Hm? Oh, I'm just waiting for Nora to come off her sugar high. She got into my syrup again, and she's been jumping about the trees since lunch."

"Hi, Weiss!" the pink berserker in question called, bolting from one branch to another. "Isn't it a beaUTIFUL morning?"

"It's four in the afternoon, Nora," Ren called back. He waved Weiss away. "Take care, and I hope things work out between you."

/-/

Ruby flopped back on the bed with a sigh. "That's it," she said. "Weiss was smart, cute, the whole package, and I blew it."

"Come on," Yang said. "It's not the end of the world."

"End of mine… Maybe I should get out of the game for a while. Focus on huntress stuff for now."

"Okay, but what if - and hear me out on this - what if I helped you find someone else?"

The young Huntress scoffed. "You're gonna help me get a girlfriend?"

"Yeah, a girlfriend or whatever you're into at the time."

Ruby was about to object when a knock was heard. "…May I speak with Ruby," Weiss said quietly from the doorway, "please?"

The sisters looked at each other before Yang got up and left, shooting the heiress a look on her way out. "Weiss," Ruby greeted.

"I've come to apologize, Ruby. I overreacted. It's not the first time, but I swear it will be the last."

Ruby hopped off the bed. "Weiss, I appreciate what you're doing here, but it was my fault in the first place. I've come to terms with it. Still," she rubbed her arms, "even though words aren't supposed to hurt, it felt like you trampled my heart when you walked away."

"I know, and I'm sorry -"

"So, I had a talk with Yang before you came up."

"…And?" Weiss asked, dreading the answer.

Ruby took a breath. "I think -"

A loud blast was heard as the ground shook. The two headed for the window, seeing a pillar of smoke rise from the southeast. A large metal structure, almost cylindrical, sat at the base of said pillar. "What in the world?"

Yang rushed back through the door with Blake arriving soon after. "What happened?" the juggernaut asked. "I heard explosions."

"Did it sound like they came from here?" Weiss said.

"Well… no."

"Looks like it came from downtown," Ruby observed. "Way downtown."

"We need to get over there," Blake said. "If the White Fang or even the Grimm is there, it's our job to stop them."

Ruby nodded, patting her cheeks to keep herself alert. "Gear up!"

/-a few minutes later-/

Each member of Team RWBY took their own route and transportation through the city. Weiss hopped through the air with her glyphs, Yang and Blake took the blonde's motorcycle Bumblebee along the road, and Ruby sped through alleys and backstreets in a blur of rose petals. She stopped about halfway to her destination to catch her breath. Her scroll beeped, indicating she was receiving a call. "Hello?"

 _"Salutations, Ruby!"_ greeted the voice of her favorite mechanical life form. _"If you are not too busy, we need your help at the Atlesian Military Vale complex."_

"…Is that the one we saw smoke coming from?"

 _"Yes! So you already know the situation with the White Fang?"_

"I can put two and two together. We're already about halfway there."

 _"We will see you in approximately two minutes."_ Ruby smiled as the call ended. It wasn't often Penny called her but, even with the given situation, she was always so chipper when she did. It was almost as if that good mood boiled over and spilled onto anyone around to catch it.

 _Gah, focus, Ruby!_ she thought. _Lives are at stake!_

/-/

"So?"

Penny looked back to Cortana. "Ruby and company will be arriving ahead of my initial estimation. We only need to keep the White Fang at bay a little longer."

"Phew!" Donut said. "Good to hear."

One of the White Fang flew past along the ground, crashing just below a stack of crates. He simply got up, dusted himself off, and rejoined the fray. "These guys can take a fuckin' punch," Simmons noted.

"That is due to their auras."

"Their what now?" Doc asked.

"Every intelligent being on this planet has a powerful protective energy that emanates from within them. This energy surrounds an individual, healing minor injuries and even taking the brunt of most attacks."

"So," Simmons surmised, "it's like a force field?"

"Kind of."

"And we're just learning about this now, why?"

"You never asked."

"She has a point," Grif said.

/-/

"So, what is it you want, exactly?" Dr. Church asked.

"Nothing much," the man, who had identified himself as Roman Torchwick, answered. "I was hoping we could form a partnership of sorts. I heard your old company went bust and you were arrested, so I got my friends in the White Fang to coordinate your escape. Err… you _do_ want to escape, don't you?" The prisoner nodded and Roman offered his hand. "You need funding and facilities, I need some equipment; I think we can come to an understanding." The Director returned the gesture with no hesitation. "I'm glad we had this talk, Doctor. Just let me know what you need and I'll have my boys get it."

"It's funny you should say that," he replied. "If it isn't much trouble," he pointed to the back wall and the behemoth bolted thereon, "we'll need him free. You can open the other cells, but Agent Maine will be integral to our escape."

"You intend to cause a distraction?" Roman laughed. "Why do you think I sent my men in? And how, pray tell, did you think I got in?" He patted the small woman's head. "Neo will have us all home in no time. You need only wish it." He tapped his cane with one finger. "…Of course, she must be able to touch everyone to do so… Neo, please open the other cells. Not all of them, just the ones Dr. Church points out."

Neo nodded, cutting a circle out of the glass door and kicking it out. "Impressive," the Director said. "What is that made of? Steel? Titanium?"

"Well, I don't know; it's her own sword, and she can't talk to tell me."

"I'd like to examine it, given the chance."

The two stepped out of the cell, and Dr. Church pointed to the separate chambers of Carolina and agents Dakota. "The only ones that came with me. And, again, we can't leave Maine behind."

/-/

Neo skipped along, cutting circles out of the requested doors with a smile on her face. She looked at the giant Maine sitting on the back wall with an aggravated look on his face. "I don't know, Neo," Roman said. "Those bonds look pretty tough. If you can cut it, go ahead."

She walked up to Maine, who looked down at her in confusion. ["Hi!"] she greeted silently.

["Hello,"] Maine grunted, ["little… girl."]

Neo puffed her cheeks. ["I am not so little!"]

["Littler than me."]

["Hmph."]

["You wanted something?"] he huffed. ["I'm breaking these."]

She pantomimed a laugh. ["You're stuck!"]

["Yeah. Stuck."]

She brandished her sword. ["Not anymore."]

Neo waved her sword three times in a slashing motion at the heavy clamps that held Maine. ["Great work,"] he growled sarcastically. ["Now go away."] The braces creaked before clattering to the ground. Maine stood dumbstruck at how easily she did that. [" _Strong_ little girl."]

["I am not little!"] She stamped her foot. She took a breath, extending her hand. ["I'm Neopolitan."]

Slowly, Maine shook her hand. ["…Maine."] He looked at his comrades, now free of their cells. ["We're working together?"]

["For the foreseeable future. For now, we're leaving."]

She dragged him over to Roman and the Director. "Everyone ready to go, then?"

["Wait!"] Maine snarled. ["I need something."]

"What is it, Maine?" North asked, holding South up. "We're kind of in a hurry."

["My thing."] He drew shapes in the air; circles, a couple of curves, and some rectangles. He then proceeded to comically mime himself firing the imaginary object.

"Ah," the Director said, clarity coming over him, "your souvenir from the Insurrectionists' armory."

"The knife-rifle?" North asked.

Maine nodded eagerly. ["I need it."]

/-/

Penny, by now, was hiccuping uncontrollably. "What if they don't arrive soon enough? -hic- What if something happens before they get here? -hic- Something bad!"

She kept rattling off everything bad that could happen as Cortana tried to calm her down. "Take it easy, Penny. Everything's under control."

"-hic- What if it isn't? -hic- If you all don't have auras -hic- the White Fang will outlast you! -hic- Oh, what if something's happening -hic- right now! -hic-"

"Penny! Penny, deep breaths. We're going to be fine."

Looking past Cortana, the girl began to beam. "I believe you are correct!" she said, her hiccups magically gone as she pointed to one of the compound's fresh wall holes.

Cortana turned around, seeing a group of young girls with various weapons, most notable among them being a large red scythe in the hands of a girl in a crimson cowl. "Somebody called for backup?" she said. Cortana could have sworn the girl cocked the scythe like a rifle.


	4. Breakout

"Ruby!"

The girl with the scythe, who must have been Ruby, approached Penny. "We came as soon as we saw the smoke. Are you alright?"

"Yes," Penny nodded. "I am ninety-two percent undamaged, presently working on the remaining eight percent."

"You, um…" Cortana interjected, "know each other?"

"This is Ruby. She is my best friend. She is the one I told you about a minute ago."

"I see." She extended her hand. "Cortana Halsey, UNSC Infinity."

The girl returned the gesture. "Ruby Rose, second-year Huntress at Beacon Academy." She paused. "…UNSC?"

"United Nations Security Council. It's a military government based in space."

"Ah…"

"They came on a space ship!" Penny said excitedly. "It's malfunctioning, so they stopped for repairs on Remnant, of all places!"

"I'm not… sure… how to respond to… that." Ruby said tiredly.

"…Is something wrong, Ruby? You seem distressed."

"I'm fine. I've just had a rough day."

"It's about to get worse," Cortana said, pointing to the large aggressor, who seemed to have finished with Tex and Washington.

"You two annoy me," he said, raising his saw.

He brought it down, getting deflected by the girl with black hair. "We'll take care of him," she called as the girl in white moved to assist.

"Ah, the Schnee girl." He rolled his shoulders. "Perhaps you'll do better this time."

He swung his saw, sweeping just past the two girls as he twisted straight into a back fist. The one in white ducked, jabbing him repeatedly with something akin to a rapier. "Can they handle him?" Wash asked once he'd regrouped by Penny.

Ruby nodded, but still crossed her fingers when the 'Schnee girl' got kicked away. "They… should be fine."

/-/

Chief wasn't making any headway whatsoever. This woman was smaller and faster than most people he'd fought previously, and she took punches like a sponge did water. He was certain he was landing hits - he could hear pained grunts - but she didn't stop for anything. _Come on,_ he thought. _You ended a war and destroyed the Halo array, and you're going to lose to a small woman with feathers? …Feathers? What?_

A second look confirmed that the woman, indeed, seemed to have almost-black feathers covering her shoulders and part of her hair. _This isn't real,_ he tried to convince himself, still unused to the idea. _This is all some nightmare caused by being around those Reds and Blues._ The woman landed a solid kick to Chief's cheek, much harder than should be possible for someone of her size. _No,_ he groaned, _this is real._

/-/

Neo accompanied Maine through the halls of the ship, searching up and down for Maine's weapon. ["I don't see what's so special about it,"] Neo shrugged. ["Some rusty old grenade launcher with a bayonet."]

["Sentiment,"] Maine harrumphed. ["Had it forever. You wouldn't understand."]

["Oh, but I do!"] The girl patted her umbrella affectionately. ["Stoic Parabrella and I have been together since I met Mr. Torchwick, all the way back to when I could talk."]

["You talked too?"]

Neo nodded. ["When I was little -"]

["Littler."]

["…When I was little, I was on my own on the streets of Vale. I was cold, hungry, dirty, and alone. Then Mr. Torchwick found me."] She smiled, tapping her finger to her chin in thought. ["I believe I was rooting through his garbage that night. A cat had scratched my arm, and I'd tied it off with part of my dress."]

Neo continued to walk a good six paces before she realized that Maine had stopped. She turned around, finding him looking into a window, his eyes dark. Standing on the tips of her toes, Neo saw just what had upset the titan: on a lab table inside sat a few circles, a curved blade, and a couple of rectangles, disassembled and being examined. ["…Little girl,"] Maine growled, marching to the door and smashing the panel to open it, ["get back."]

Neo politely obliged, opening her umbrella in front of her for protection as Maine entered the lab. Several shouts and a couple of roars came out of the resulting ruckus, and one engineer crashed through the window in a bloody pulp. When the commotion died, and probably the examiners as well, Maine exited, holding the dismantled remains of his bladed grenade cannon in his arms. Neo tapped him on the elbow. ["…I can take us back to the others if you don't feel like walking."]

Maine nodded as he removed the shirt he'd been wearing, stuffed the mechanisms inside, and hoisted the makeshift bag over his shoulder. ["…Let's go."]

/-/

Team RWBY set to work repelling the White Fang. As Weiss and Blake took care of the big bad guy, Yang decided to assist the big good guy with the terrorist captain. She punched the faunus extremist, who recoiled momentarily before looking at her. "The loudmouth," she jeered. "The boss doesn't speak too highly of you and your friends."

"You and _your_ friends need to leave right now," Yang said, taking a boxer's stance. "Otherwise, I can't guarantee your safety."

The big one looked confused. "Do you two know each other?" he asked.

"No." Yang smiled. "It's just my job to pummel her."

"I beg you to try!" The aggressor lunged, opting for a flying kick that was instantly countered by the monster to Yang's left. Grabbing her leg, he turned and slammed her against the ground.

Yang blinked. What had just happened?

"I think I can handle myself," the hulking man said. "Master Chief Petty Officer of the UNSC, Spartan-117."

"Uh… Oh! Yang Xiao Long, second-year huntress in training, Beacon Academy. I'm, uh… gonna take care of the others now." She looked over to another group of White Fang. _They'll do_.

/-/

In the meantime, Ruby was picking out intruders from the perimeter, zipping around the building and swinging Crescent Rose around her person. It wouldn't be enough to break through their auras - she never could do that in one swing - but it would keep them down for a while.

She looked over at her teammates; Yang was decimating a group of bad guys while Blake and Weiss held their own against a giant with a chainsaw. Penny sat safely behind a few crates with Miss/Mrs. /Ms. Halsey and a handful of the other aliens (for lack of a more accurate term).

She slid to a halt to see what kind of damage she'd done behind her. A couple dozen White Fang lay unconscious in her wake as she nodded. _And now the tricky part…_ Ruby slammed her scythe's blade into the ground, pivoting to point at the fanatic lieutenant. "Just keep him still," she whispered.

Ruby fired, the shot impacting the berserker's arm and forcing the chainsaw out of his hand. Weiss found the opportunity to freeze him to the ground, and Yang launched one of the offenders into him.

The one Chief had slammed earlier rose back to her feet and answered her headset. "…Roger… Got it." She waved to the door, shouting "Retreat! Everyone fall back now!"

The remaining White Fang complied, exiting hastily through the various breaks in the walls. Yang and the Chief attempted to catch as many as they could, but still many escaped, including the captain and giant lieutenant. Once the dust settled, Yang felt compelled to shout out of one of the holes, "Yeah, you'd better run! And don't come back!"

When the Blood Gulchers, Team RWBY, and etcetera gathered back around, Sarge was the first to speak. "Does anybody know what the hell just happened?"

"The White Fang attacked us at 16:13," Penny answered. "A squadron of roughly 40 members came and went in a matter of twelve minutes and thirty-seven seconds." She paused. "Total damage comes up to 710,000 lien; we were fortunate the attack did not leave this room."

"Why is this girl so goddamn robotic?" Tucker asked.

Ruby shuffled her feet, looking around the complex. "I'm certain there's a totally reasonable explanation."

General Ironwood and Commander Lasky entered. The former seemed more irritated than anything, and the latter seemed confused. "What just happened?" Ironwood said.

"That's just what Sarge said!" Grif responded.

"Damages have been cataloged, General Ironwood," Penny reported. "No major casualties; nothing seems out of place at the moment."

"That's weird," Ruby pondered. "Why would the White Fang go through the trouble of attacking this place if they weren't gonna take anything?"

"Well," Wash guessed, "a bunch of aliens just landed on your planet, so maybe they caught wind of that?"

"We weren't exactly covert," Simmons said. "We nearly crashed; this dock isn't built for frigates."

"Firstly, it's a warship," Cortana corrected, "not a frigate. Second, none of them made it close to the ramp. The closest was the big one, and that was still almost twenty meters."

"Why do bad guys always have big cronies?" Tucker asked. "First Freelancer with Maine, now the... White Fang?"

A thought occurred to Yang as she spoke up. "Neo!"

"What?" nearly everybody asked.

"Roman, the one who probably orchestrated this whole attack," Blake explained, "he has this little woman named Neo constantly at his heels. She could have gotten into your ship!"

"How?" Lasky asked. "Getting on the Infinity is near impossible without proper clearance."

Weiss crossed her arms. "Not if you can teleport."

"The fuck?" Tucker half-yelled. "Is everyone on this planet made of magic?"

"No," Blake said, puzzled by the accusation.

"Well, I'm not convinced," Lasky said. "No offense, but your planet doesn't seem advanced enough to develop instantaneous travel."

"So," Cortana summed up, "the White Fang have someone who can teleport without the use of special equipment. Is she able to transport other people as well?"

Yang nodded, and Chief bolted up the ramp almost immediately. "Chief!" Washington, Tex, Lasky, and Cortana chased after him. It took them a total of twelve minutes to find him in the brig. The cells that had been holding their newest prisoners, even the heavy restraints on the back wall where Chief stood, had been cut open, and the Freelancers were nowhere to be found.

/-/

"So, here's where we stand," Cortana said once she and the others were back. "The former director of Project Freelancer is no longer in the Infinity brig, nor are Carolina, Maine, or the Dakota twins. Someone, presumably this 'Roman' person, is suspect prime for their escape."

" 'Presumably?' " Yang contested. "He's in charge of the guys that we just got through repelling."

"So we're on an alien world," Tucker picked up, "our ship is busted, magic exists, and the really, _really_ bad guys we just went through hell to put away are loose again."

Chief nodded. "Even if we get the ship back in working order, we can't allow Dr. Church and his team remain on this planet."

"So we're fucked?"

"That's what it sounds like," Lasky confirmed, "At least until such time as we can properly assess our new allies." He turned to the General. "That is, if you're willing to help us?"

Ironwood thought a moment. "I'll make you a deal, Commander: I'll commit my troops to fighting the White Fang and their new friends as long as it takes you and your troops to put the Freelancers back into custody."

"Sounds a little like you don't want anything to do with us."

"The safety of the populace is my highest priority right now, and I doubt five new delinquents will be able to spread farther. Do we have an agreement?"

"I suppose we do, General." Lasky shook the general's hand. "Where should we begin?"


	5. New Locale

"Now," Ironwood said, looking over the group of extraterrestrials, "there's the matter of where you will be staying during your visit."

"We have food and quarters to last a year for thousands of people," Lasky offered. "We can stay on Infinity."

 _"You_ can stay if you want," Tucker said with crossed arms. _"I_ need someplace where I don't have to eat and sleep on metal. I'm pretty sure I chipped a tooth on the toast yesterday."

Wash shook his head. "I have to agree with the commander. It may not be a five-star hotel, but we're at least familiar with the ship."

"Fuck you, dude. You're just agreeing because he's in charge."

"That's right. We have a saying in the military: 'Obey your commanding officer.' "

"Blunt saying," Ironwood noted.

"It was sarcastic."

"Well guess what, Wash?" Tucker pointed to himself and the others. "We're not actually soldiers. Tell him, Halsey."

Cortana shuffled. "Technically, Tucker is correct. He's only a PFC in the Blue Army - a faction invented for Freelancer training simulations."

"See? Now, Caboose and I are gonna go with the girls to the beacon. You can stay here if you want, sleeping on metal plates and eating _shit_."

Team RWBY's entirety shuddered as their leader piped up, "You don't actually… y'know?"

"No," Lasky assured. "Well, we do pretty much sleep on metal plates with blankets, but we don't -"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Yang hastily interrupted. "Anyway, I'm sure Ozpin won't mind two or three more residents."

"Those 'residents' would happen to be extraterrestrials," Weiss pointed out.

"Well," Sarge said, changing the subject, "my men an' I are gonna go patrol for more'a these 'White Fang' fellers."

"That's what local law enforcement is for," Wash contested. "We need to stay together while we figure out how to deal with the Director."

"Like I said," Tucker repeated, "you're welcome to join us and the girls at the beacon."

"Now wait just a minute," Ironwood cut in finally. "When did I ever say it would be okay for you to leave? You could be terrorists on your world for all I know."

"Dude, Caboose is only a danger to people who ask for his help, and the last job I had was night shift at a creepy-ass pizza place. We're not terrorists. It just isn't in us."

"I can vouch for them," Master Chief said. "It's barely in them to be soldiers."

"Hey!"

"From what Cortana's told me, and from Chief's testimony, I have to agree," Lasky nodded. "These guys are pretty harmless. And, while I would prefer they stay on the ship where we can keep tabs on them, we have no real jurisdiction on humans outside UNSC space. So unless there's an embassy I'm unaware of on this planet," he turned to the Reds and Blues, "you can do as you see fit. Granted the general's permission, of course."

The general in question paused, debating with himself before speaking again. "If they keep active watch for the White Fang, if they don't harass civilians or instigate any riots…" He took a breath. "And if Team RWBY keeps them in check, they can accompany them to Beacon."

/-/

Church watched Dr. Halsey while she worked. She was using special skeletal mapping software in tandem with the Stein's Child unit's programming to make him a body, and she'd insisted he stay to give input. "Nah, shallow out the cheekbones a little - he's getting a little Director-ey like that."

Halsey complied, rubbing down the nubs of bone under the model's eyes. "How is that?"

"Hm… It's getting there." He looked at her. "So, are we one hundred percent sure this will work?"

"No, not one hundred percent." She looked back. "This will only work in theory. However, the unit didn't reject the new program, so I'd say it's a safe bet it will work. What I'm curious to see, if it does, is what will happen to the other Fragments swimming around in your collective."

"Hopefully nothing bad." He would have cringed if he could when he saw the monitor. "Lose the sideburns. . . No, Gary, we're not gonna do that."

"Do what?"

"Ugh. Gamma wants thick eyebrows."

"How thick?"

"More-eyebrow-than-forehead thick." Halsey shook in discomfort. "He thinks it would be funny. . . Hey, not bad Delta. Halsey, let's see some green eyes." The scientist pulled up a color palette for various shades of green. "Let's see. . . That one? . . . The - . . . Halsey, show us zero-zero-nine-eight-five-zero. . . Oh! Uh, please."


	6. Beacon

After the six minutes it took to convince Sarge not to take the Warthog and the two it took to figure out a means of transportation, Team RWBY arrived at the bullhead transit with the Reds and Blues bar Freelancers in tow. "B-340 will get us there," Yang said. She pointed up to an isolated tower overlooking the city. "Ozpin's pretty cool; he can hook you up with a room."

"You keep mentioning this 'Ozpin' guy," Grif said, "but we know just the same amount as we did about Maine about him. Any of you girls want to, you know, fix that?"

"Professor Ozpin is the headmaster up at Beacon," Blake explained. "He oversees everything that happens on the school grounds and orients new students. When he's not doing any of that, he can be found in his office on the top floor of the tower."

"He's like a wizard!" Caboose and Donut yelled ecstatically.

"Well, not -"

"Just let them have their moment," Tucker said. "You can't bottle up that kind of stupid. It has to come out all at once. Don't worry, you get used to it."

"Uh-huh," Yang spoke again. "Anyway, Ruby can go talk to him while we show you around."

"Lead the way," Sarge nodded, still upset about the jeep.

/-/

In the blink of an eye, Ruby was ascending the elevator to the headmaster's office. It had been some time since she had to, and wasn't sure how to approach her question. She couldn't lie and say they were new students, Mr. Caboose looked at least twenty-five, and that Sarge guy was probably a hundred! Before she could get her thoughts in order, the door opened.

And there stood headmaster Ozpin, right in front of her. "Oh? What brings you here, Ruby?"

Ruby attempted to remain calm. "I, uh, need to talk to you about… something." She nodded, "Yeah."

"Mmhm. Well, I was going to take a walk anyway; why don't you join me? I'll even give you a pardon for Professor Port's class, which," he checked his watch, "began while you and your team were out."

She rubbed the back of her neck nervously as he entered the lift and sent them both back to the ground floor. "Something kinda… happened at a friend's house."

"Well," he took a sip from his cup, "I can't very well punish you for helping a friend, can I? At least as long as your mission taught you something."

 _Does learning that aliens exist count?_ "It did!" She answered, almost too quickly. "I mean, uh, it did."

They exited the elevator. "Now," Ozpin said, "what was it you needed to talk to me about?"

"Oh! Uh, well I was wondering if it would be possible to… keep one or two dorms available. See, a few of my friends from Signal are gonna try to enroll here so, on the small chance they do and the equally small chance they get to be on the same team, I wanted them to be close by. But… now that I say it out loud it sounds kind of selfish, doesn't it?"

Ozpin pondered for a moment before answering, "It's not selfish at all, Ruby. Unfortunately, the only two dorms available this year in your building are being occupied; you see, two new teams of four are going to be staying with us for the tournament - possibly longer. Apparently, there were no hotels with rooms available in town, so I've arranged for them to stay here."

"Oh…" Ruby said, downtrodden.

"Yes, it's a shame your friends from Signal can't have dorms reserved, but I feel you'll get along just fine with our guests. In fact, I believe the rest of your team was showing them around already." Ruby stopped to give him a quizzical look as he walked along, taking another sip presumably of coffee. "They'll be next door to you and Team JNPR. Please, keep them out of trouble."

He smiled, knowing the look of realization Ruby put on as she ran back to her teammates at full forward.

/-/

"Okay," Yang explained as she, the remainder of RWBY, and the Reds and Blues entered the dormitory, "If anyone asks who you are, you're gonna need compelling names; you won't make it six feet out the door if you give a ridiculous name like 'Sarge' or 'Tucker.' "

"Hey!"

"So, give me your favorite colors and I'll try to make them into names you can go by."

"You should all stay in here until you have new, easy-to-remember names," Weiss advised.

"What if we want to get some air," Simmons asked, "but we can't decide our favorite color for a name?"

"There's a window," she answered plainly.

Caboose raised his hand. "What if, uh, one of us is a-afraid of heights?"

Yang shrugged. "Just don't look out the window."

"If you need anything," Blake added, "you can usually find us in our room."

"That's not an invitation; come to us if you have an emergency or questions about something serious. That's it."

Donut raised his hand now. "Yeah, uh, which room is ours again?"

Ruby rejoined them in the hall. "What'd I miss?"

"Good, Ruby's back." Yang addressed her little sister. "Did Ozpin go for it?"

She nodded. "As far as anyone else is concerned, they're two new teams here to watch the tournament."

"What tournament?" Tucker asked.

"Is it important right now? We'll get you when it starts."

Grif inquired, "When?"

"About a month," Weiss answered.

"What? I can't stay cooped up with Caboose for thirty days!"

Blake gave him a puzzled look. "A month may be almost thirty days in winter, but its forty-two in the summer."

Tucker froze, dead silent for almost a full minute before looking at Yang. "Aqua."

"What?"

"Get crackin' on my name, 'cause I'm not staying with Caboose for that long - his stupid might rub off on me."

"Yeah," Caboose said, "it does that sometimes."

"So aqua, teal, cyan, something!"

"Okay! Cool your jets; getting all worked up won't make me think faster. What about the rest of you?"

"Blue."

"Indigo."

"Red."

"Red-brown."

"Chartreuse."

"Orange."

Yang tapped the various colors into a device she pulled from her pocket. Once she was done, Ruby pointed to two doors. "Up to four people are allowed in one room as residents. If you have problems -"

"Rubes," Yang said, "we already covered it."

"Oh. Okay then. Any last questions?"

"Isn't it awfully convenient that we have the same names for colors and numbers, and speak the same language?" Washington entered behind RWBY. "Is nobody surprised at that at all?"

"I'm more surprised you were able to find us," Grif said.

"The military has a good head on its shoulders. I figured you guys would need a hand and Ironwood pointed me here. But finding a ship to get up here is difficult when you don't know anything about anything." He looked at Yang. "I'm gonna go ahead and assume their shouting seemingly random colors is you trying to come up with easy-to-remember aliases for everyone?"

She nodded. "Chartreuse is gonna be a pain to think of, but that's the plan."

"Well, if you don't mind…" He thought briefly before speaking again. "Can you do something with charcoal?" Another nod as she typed it in. "And since I'm sure it's on everyone's minds, I'll ask it." He walked over to the door on the left, pushing slightly and sliding his hand over it. "How do we get in?"

An apologetic look fell on Ruby's face as she sighed. "I'll go talk to Ozpin again…"

/-/

"I must say to show up on my radar you must have quite the reputation, Doctor."

"I was best in my field. Once upon a time, anyway."

Roman feigned a gasp. "Another criminal once on top of the world?" He chuckled. "Small universe."

"I hope you realize what you're getting into."

"Good Dr. Church, if I didn't know what I was going to get into, you and I wouldn't be having this conversation, would we?"

Dr. Church nodded. "Tell me, Mr. Torchwick -"

"Please, Mr. Torchwick was my father - that poor fool. I'm Roman."

"…Tell me, Mr. Torchwick, how are your technical facilities?"

"Technical facilities? Computers, digital storage, that sort of thing?" The Doctor nodded again, and Roman sighed. "Not fantastic, to be honest. We liberated a store full of the things not too recently, but none of my men thus far are able to wrap their heads around them. Thus, all our monitors and CPU towers lay in their boxes, mostly untouched. I keep my own personal computer in my quarters, but only I and Neo know the password."

"May I see these surplus computers?"

"Whatever could you need them for?"

"They will help me to help you. Now, may I?"

Roman grinned. "Neo, show the Doctor the new toys we brought back last week, please." The former Director rose, and Roman stopped him one last time. "I hope you know how to use them?"

Dr. Church looked at him seriously. "I'll learn."


	7. All Colors of Crazy

Yang continued to think up names for their new friends, which was made difficult in Professor Oobleck's class where one actually had to participate. Just when she was on the verge of a snappy name, Oobleck would ask her or someone next to her a question, effectively derailing her train of thought. _It had to be chartreuse,_ she thought bitterly, _didn't it?_ She scratched out another bad idea when a piece of paper appeared in front of her. Blake wrote on her own pad for Yang to see. 'Is something wrong?'

Taking the hint, Yang wrote on the new page, 'I'm trying to invent unsos- unsuspe- names for the aliens.'

'Don't overthink it. It's not like they'll need them all the time.'

' 'They're not from around here' is the under statement of the year. They're gonna be introducing themselves to a lot of people.'

'Maybe they won't.'

'But if they do they'll need to know their own names. Please help T-T'

'What do you have so far?'

'Vern Cyander for Tucker. That's as far as I got.' Yang inconspicuously slid her scroll to her teammate.

Blake thought a moment. 'Mike Azulo for Caboose?'

A grin plastered itself on Yang's face. 'You know I love you, right?'

'Very much.'

/-/

 _'Brick Manson, Mark Rooney, Carter Ross, Sheen Gamboge, any of these?'_

 _'You thought of one for chartreuse?! I would have spent a month on that. =-=" '_

"Men, I think I speak for all of us when I say it's too cramped in this little room."

"Despite what the girls told us," Simmons said, "I agree with you. Who knew hiding out on an alien planet could get so boring?"

"We have to get out, if for no other reason than to rustle up some grub. And I have the perfect idea to do so."

Grif muttered to Donut, "This ought to be good."

"First, we round up all the bed sheets and pillowcases from the room and tie them together forming a rope of sorts. Then we secure the makeshift rope to one of the beds before tossing it out the window. We'll need something heavy to anchor the rope once it's outside - thank you for volunteering, Grif."

"Crap."

"Once all that's in place, the rest of us can simply slide down." He smiled. "It's foolproof."

"It's a well-thought-out plan, sir," Simmons pointed out to the landing pad, "But we came here on a ship that none of us is able to fly. We'll be out of the building, but we physically can't leave Beacon."

"Hm…" Sarge grumbled for a moment, revising his strategy. "Addendum to the first plan: Simmons," he pointed to his second in command, "you'll fly the ship."

All three subordinate Reds looked at him. "What?"

"Simmons is the most likely to figure out how them bullheads work without Lopez here. Donut's not smart enough and Grif'll just try to throw the job to him anyway."

"He makes a point," Donut said obliviously.

"I can see what I can do," Simmons rubbed the back of his neck, "But it would take some time. If there were books on the subject, I could study how ahead of time. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be an option until we have new names."

"We can't go to the library," Grif said, "so we're just gonna escape. Seems legit."

/-/

"This is taking forever," Church complained. "I've read computer manuals in less time than it's taking this thing to work."

"It doesn't have anything to work off of. It has to develop a whole new string of DNA since you refused to use Dr. Church's sequence. Thus the time we're spending right now."

"Ugh… Can I go explore? Drop off Theta with Sierra or something and you call me when it's ready?"

"I don't see why not. Just try to stay in real time; if you process lightspeed, it'll feel like much longer."

"Normal speed. Got it."

/-/

 _'Cole-something? Would that work?'_

 _'Probably. Anything for indigo?'_

 _'You'll know when I do.'_

Tucker sat, absently flashing his sword on and off in the freshly-dubbed 'Blue Room.' He felt like he was a patient man - hell, he'd spent more than half his time waiting on things before - but something about being locked in a room with Caboose was almost too much to bear. Hence his current pastime, which had evolved into counting out loud the number of times he could get it up. "…Sixty-six…sixty-seven…sixty-eight…sixty-nine…"

When he suddenly stopped, Wash looked at him. "That's as high as you've taught yourself to count, isn't it?"

"Shh!" Tucker held his hand up, looking around in an almost paranoid manner. He moved quietly to the window, which hung half-open to let a breeze in. Flashing his sword back on, he jabbed a small hole two feet to the right of the window.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Tucker ignored him. Pressing his ear to the new hole, he couldn't help but smile to himself for his genius. "I guess it was just my imagination," he said, almost too loudly.

"That's great. Now can you -" Tucker threw the window open and reached his arm around to the right, snagging something wearing a shirt. When he heard a yelp, he pulled the person in, throwing him to the floor.

The eavesdropper wore a red jacket over a white shirt, and his hair was light blue. "Don't hurt me!" he pleaded.

"Huh," Wash said. "I guess you're not crazy after all."

/-/

The first one, who'd pulled him in, yelled, "Talk!"

Neptune flinched, holding his arms up in defense. "Not the face!"

"What were you doing outside our window?" the second one asked.

"I was following my friend, Sun! We were on our way to visit Blake and her friends and he ran off ahead."

" 'Blake?' That goth chick in Team Ruby?" He nodded, terrified. The first one put his sword away before continuing. "How much did you hear?"

Neptune looked up. "I heard you get to 69," he said. "Then your friend -"

"We're not friends."

"- griped a little. Now here we are, with me on the floor in a room full of strangers. Uh… can I get up please?"

 _"Hey, Neptune,"_ came a familiar voice from beyond the window, _"Change of plans; they're still in class. Let's get some chow. ...Neptune?"_ A head of dishevelled blonde hair poked out from the left of the window. "You get lost, buddy?"

"Yeah," Neptune replied, "sort of."

Sun looked around the room. "Who're your friends?"

"They, ah, haven't said."

"Mysterious. I like them already."

/-a notable amount of time later-/

Team RWBY met for dinner at their usual table. Yang handed her scroll to Ruby, who shortly after gave it to Weiss. "These are really good," the heiress noted. "Creative."

"You've outdone yourself, Yang."

"Thanks for the praise," Yang responded, "but Blake did most of the work."

"It's not a big deal, really," the feline faunus said.

"Listen to her! 'Not a big deal?' Kitten, do _you_ believe you right now?"

"Ooh, Yang's bringin' out the pet name!" Ruby taunted with a chuckle. "Whatcha gonna do, 'Kitten?' "

"I'll think of something. But for now, we have eight aliens that need help blending in."

"Right. But first," Ruby grabbed a fork, "let's eat."

/-a little after that-/

RWBY made their way down the hall to the Reds' and Blues' rooms. Ruby and Yang knocked on the Blue Room door while Weiss and Blake did the same at the Red Room. Swearing, a couple crashes, and frantic whispering could be heard from within the Blue Room for a full twelve seconds before Dr. DuFresne answered. "Hello?"

"Uh, hi Doc," Yang greeted, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh hey!" The medic filled the fraction of open space with his scrawny frame. Still more noise came out from behind him. "How are you, girls?"

"Fine? Listen, we have your aliases ready, so if you could get everyone -"

"Uh, you know what?" he interrupted. "The others aren't feeling well right now - fevers, diarrhea, it's a mess in here. Why don't you just give me the names and I'll tell them once their up and about."

 _"Son of a bitch!"_ Another loud crash could be heard, and something jostled the unassuming medic.

Ruby tried to look into the room. "Are you hiding something in there?"

Doc's voice changed as he let out a bone-chilling chuckle. "Oh no, we're not hiding any _thing._ Trust me, everything will be taken care of presently." His voice changed back to its usual quasi-pleasant tone. "Now, how about those names?"

Yang wasn't convinced. She pushed Doc out of the way, getting Ember Celica ready. "What's going on in here?" She said authoratatively.

The first thing she noticed was that Sun and Neptune, two people who shouldn't have been here, were present and in combat stances. "They tried to push us out a window!" Neptune defended.

"You were skulking _outside the window!"_ Tucker said, his sword ready.

"I didn't know it was your window. I already explained!"

"Yelling!" Caboose said. "I am participating!"

Yang pounded her fists together, sending a loud blast through the room. "Everyone shut up right now!" They all complied. "Vern, you start: what's going on?" He explained the situation, not wanting to further anger someone who can cause explosions at-will. "Okay, now Neptune, your turn."

Before Neptune could begin, Weiss and Blake barged in. "The Reds are gone!" Weiss reported.

"What?" Ruby said, finally out of her fearful stupor.

/-/

Dr. Church examined the computers thoroughly. They were simple enough, mimicking the models used on 22nd century Earth to some extent. These would work. "Miss… Neo, was it?" He turned around, addressing Roman's seemingly favorite flunky. "May I have a pen and paper? I have a list of things I will need to get started." The girl shook her head, tapping her temple with a smile. "You can remember it all if I tell you?" She nodded. "As long as I don't need to repeat myself, this will do."

He proceeded to list several items. Nothing abnormal: a soldering iron, some tweezers, a welding mask, a set of metric screwdrivers, pretty standard items. One of them intrigued her, but he'd asked not to have to repeat himself. Plus, she couldn't speak to ask him about it anyway. So off she went, pondering what use their new friend could have for a seven-hundred-terabyte processing chip, or where one would find such a thing.


	8. The Not-So-Great Escape

_"Bullhead Transit B-340, what is your status? Over."_

Simmons fumbled with the radio, steering as straight as possible with his left hand and foot since the stupid thing was on the far side of the console. "Uh, this is B-340," he said, attempting to disguise his voice, "returning to, uh... refuel? Over."

Everyone was silent until the radio came back. _"Copy that, bring her in. Over."_

He let out a sigh of relief. "They went for it, sir."

"Good job, Simmons," Sarge commended. "I knew you could do it."

"Awfully convenient they left the manual in the seat," Grif noted.

Simmons patted the book on the floor next to him. "I know; lucky break for us."

"So, once we're on the ground, we go on the prowl for suspicious White Fang. Any questions? ...Yes, Donut?"

"Yeah, how do we know what to look out for?"

"Weren't you there when they attacked the military base and let the Freelancers out?"

Donut looked down. "I had my eyes closed..."

Sarge groaned. "Okay, from my memory, they got white vests, black hoods, and masks. Be on the lookout for anyone wearing any combination of those things. Any other questions? ...Ugh. Donut?"

"What do we do when we find them?"

"I'm with Donut on this one," Grif said. "Ironwood took all our weapons, and none of us can fight worth a damn, so what do we do?"

"Hm... Lemme think." He absently pumped his shotgun in thought.

Everyone paused. Simmons was the first to speak. "Uh, sir? Where did you get that?"

"Where'd I get what?" He looked down at the device in his hands as a wave of excitement washed over him. "Shotgun! I thought I'd lost you forever!"

"Did the military just not take your shotgun?" Grif asked incredulously. "How long have you been carrying that?"

"What day is it?"

/-/

A bedsheet rope extended down three stories from the Red Room window. Wash examined the makeshift ladder with creased eyebrows. "How did they even find time to make this?"

"We were cooped up for a few hours," Doc offered. "I'd have come up with that in no time."

"But they're the Reds. Put them together, they'd still fail a history test to Caboose."

"Claustrophobia can bring out the best in anyone," Tucker said, staring out the window. "What I want to know is how they managed to get one of those ships in the air."

Weiss looked at him curiously. "The landing pad is almost a mile away. Through trees."

"Tucker has really good eyes," Doc explained. "He never got the sniper rifle while he and the rest were in the canyon."

"What canyon?"

"The worst fucking canyon our side of the galaxy," Tucker answered. "Anyway, if they figured out how to fly a ship, who knows what kind of trouble those idiots can get into."

"We have to go after them," Wash agreed.

"Wait!" Yang pulled out her scroll, assigning the Blues their aliases. "Vern Cyander, Mike Azulo, Dr. Indis, and..." she shuffled awkwardly, "Cole Grey."

"That's the best you could come up with?"

"Hey, give us a break. At least you have a name now."

"Oh..." Neptune said, clarity hitting him like a kick in the chest, "They didn't _have_ names, so they couldn't _tell us_ their names."

Sun rolled his eyes. "I feel like it's more complicated than that."

The others looked at them. "Oh shit," Tucker said, "they're still here! I forgot about them when the Reds disappeared!"

"I'm sorry, what's going on exactly with these guys? No B.S."

/-/

Church sat idly as Theta and Sierra talked about nothing in particular. He'd warned them to stay in real-time at Halsey's suggestion and had begun running calibrations on his consciousness with E-Delta. "Missing Fragments include Beta, Xi, and Omega-Proper," Delta reported. "All others are accounted for in one way or another."

"Sigma's not gonna be a problem, is he?"

"Not if we ignore him. As a precaution, Eta and Iota are keeping him in check."

"And proxy-O'Malley?"

"Epsilon-Omega has isolated himself for reasons unknown. Gamma is attempting to find out why."

"So that just leaves you, me, and Theta."

"Correct."

They watched as Theta showed Sierra how to play Chinese Checkers before Church spoke again. "They really get along, huh?"

"They are both young, behaviorally speaking. And, while sorting loose code, I discovered that Theta has always dreamed of having a younger sibling to play with."

"No shit?"

"Either that or Epsilon-Proper has a vivid imagination. Given recently collected data, this is likely not the case." They heard a small beep. "Dr. Halsey is almost ready to activate the module."

"Good. Tell her we'll be up in a few minutes or so. I feel like Theta needs the release."

"Elaborate."

"You know, he's the only other actual Fragment with us, bar the twins; I don't know about you, but that sounds like a lonely existence."

"Lonelier than living in a barren canyon for 72 months with people you can't tolerate?"

"Oh laugh it up, D'. Maybe you'll grow some emotions."

/-/

"...Okay."

"Wha - Really?" Tucker said. "Just like that?"

"Yeah," Sun answered, "I mean you guys being aliens is weird and all, but it's not exactly top five for 'strangest something to happen.' "

"What weird shit must you see to beat this?"

Neptune shrugged. "We saw an Ursa shove itself into a bar and grill once."

"It kicked ass," Sun agreed.

"What's an Ursa, exactly?" Wash asked. "Just so we're on the same page."

"Well, it's this huge bear thing, alright? It's basically made of evil and doesn't care about living things."

Yang nudged Blake with her elbow, a grin having formed across her face. "Ya hear that, Blake? The Grimm are made of evil!"

"I get it!" Blake said frustratedly. "I thought we dropped that already."

"I didn't."

"What's this about?" Doc asked.

Blake groaned. "A while back, I told Yang there's no such thing as 'pure evil.' She's been nagging at me about how Grimm are just that ever since. She's been at it for almost three months now."

"And I'm not letting up anytime soon."

"Guys," Weiss interrupted, "I think we need to focus here. The Reds are missing and we need to find them before they get into trouble."

"You two feel like helping?" Ruby asked the two other Hunters-in-training.

"Sure," Neptune nodded. "We didn't have anything going on anyway."

"And don't worry, we won't let anyone know you're aliens. _Will we, Neptune?"_

"Alright, alright! I get it: don't tell Scarlet about the aliens."

"Something tells me this is gonna be a huge mistake," Tucker said, "But the rest of me is too pissed at the Reds to give a shit about that part. Let's go!"


	9. Search, A-Part

RWBY and company made it out of bulkhead ground control and back into the city. "They couldn't have gotten far," Wash said. "Let's split up into teams of two; each of us with a guide. You two..." he pointed to Sun and Neptune and paused, "I don't know, go as your own team."

"That works for me," Ruby said. "I'll go with Mr. Caboose - er... I mean Mr. Azulo. He strikes me as someone who gets lost easily."

"Yay!"

"Everyone else, let's get moving."

/-some minutes later-/

Wash and Weiss walked along what the latter identified as Main Street, searching left and right for the Reds or, if applicable, the people responsible for their disappearance. "Not really an important question, I guess," he spoke, not taking his eyes off an alley to the left until he passed it, "But why is the moon the way it is here?"

She looked at him, puzzled again. "Why? What's so peculiar about it?"

"To you, probably nothing. But the moon where I'm from isn't broken into little pieces on one side." He pointed up, indicating the satellite's broken side. "On Earth, if something breaks the Moon, it would end a lot of lives."

"Oh. Well, whatever must have happened to ours happened before I was born; I couldn't tell you." She paused. "What makes your moon so important to life?"

"Well, it controls the tides. The ocean rises on one continent - high tide - and falls on another - low tide. If something happens to the Moon, tides would become unbalanced and Earth would flood. Does your moon not do that?"

She shook her head. "Actually, our moon governs Remnant's collective aura, allowing Dust to work and people to be protected. As long as the entire Moon stays above us, life goes on." She began to think, then added. "I suppose it's not too unlike yours after all. The collective aura shifts in strength around the poles and equator, similar to your oceans. I guess you could call it tides of a sort."

"Well, whatever it is, it doesn't answer my question... Would Ozpin or Ironwood know?"

"I suppose if anyone would know, it would be them. Why the interest, though?"

He shrugged. "I just feel like it's important. If it's not ending life as a result, I guess I can drop it." Looking into another alley revealed just as many Reds as he'd expect. "Where the hell could those four have gone?"

/-/

"Red guys!" Tucker yelled, attempting to locate the runaways. "Where'd you go?"

"I don't think that's gonna work," Yang said.

"It has before. Maybe it's too crowded here?"

"Vern, it's just us."

A quick look around proved Yang's theory, as they were the only two souls on Fourth Street. "Well, what do you suggest, Goldilocks?"

She gave him a curious look. " 'Goldilocks?' "

Tucker sighed. "It's a fairy tale on Earth." Something clicked, and he added. "A lot of things here are like that, actually."

"How so?"

"Well, 'Little Red Riding Hood' is about a little girl in a red hood who goes to her grandma's house, but she's attacked by a wolf who gets killed by a woodsman-slash-huntsman. Ruby fits the bill up until the part with the gun-scythe."

Yang chuckled. "So she does. What about this 'Goldilocks' thing?"

"Goldilocks is another little girl with blonde hair who breaks into a house inhabited by bears. She eats their food, sits in their chairs, and sleeps in their beds until the residents return and basically kick her out."

"And I guess that's me?"

"Yup. Except for the B&E, as far as I know."

/-/

"Mr. Grif!" Ruby called. "Mr. Simmons?"

"Mister Sarge!" Caboose shouted, almost too loud to be necessary. "Where are you guys?"

"Oh... I don't think they can hear us."

"Then I'll yell louder!"

"No!" She said. "Please, just don't." They continued looking. After a moment, Ruby spoke again. "Mr. Caboose, you seem smart; can I ask you something?"

Caboose began to laugh, but stopped when no-one else did. "Ah, people usually laugh when someone calls me smart. Uh, what did you want to ask?"

"Well I... You know what, forget I mentioned anything."

"Nah, come on," he urged.

Ruby sighed. "Let's say, hypothetically, there's this person you really liked, but they don't like you anymore. How would you get them to like you?"

"Hm... If I liked someone that much... I would give them ice cream!"

"I... What?"

"I would give them ice cream. And sherbet if they didn't like the ice cream! And niceness; I would never be mean to them!"

"Okay...? But what if you do something nice for them, and they don't think it's that nice?"

"...But how can something nice be not nice?"

"Like..." She paused. Caboose was right. Nice couldn't be not nice: that was the nature of its very existence! "...You're really wise, Mr. Caboose."

"Aw, pssh!"

/-/

Doc peeked into a sidestreet, finding plenty of passersby and exactly zero Reds. "They could be halfway across the city," he complained, "in any number of directions. We'll never find them."

"Don't give up so easily," Blake assured. "We've fanned out pretty far; we'll find them."

"I'm not so sure. The Reds have disappeared in even less time than they got. Sarge may spout nonsense half the time, but the other half is almost unnaturally elaborate. I mean, the man just figured out how to fly a ship that yesterday he didn't even know existed!"

"Hm... He sounds like an evil genius."

Doc's voice lowered into a sinister cackle. "No, my dear. _He's_ not the evil genius."

Blake blinked. "What just happened to your voice?"

"Huh?" Doc said, apparently back to normal. "Oh! That's right, you haven't been introduced yet, have you? That's O'Malley."

" 'O'Malley?' "

"Well, that's his nickname. He's actually an old Freelancer AI named Omega. He's mean when he wants to be, but he's harmless as long as there's no radios broadcasting to his network."

"Oh, I beg to differ," O'Malley said, twisting Doc's face into a grin. "You know what you are to me, medic? Have you seen Pacific Rim?"

"Nah, too violent."

"Oh... Well, watch Pacific Rim and this analogy will make sense: You're a Jaeger to me - a vessel in which to do battle against any I find unworthy of existence!"

"He also wants to be majority owner of the known cosmos, but that's the big picture. Me? I'm more for the small scene. Like right now: looking for the Reds. Then maybe getting home."

"...Uh-huh... That's... different, I guess."

Doc lifted a dumpster lid, found no Reds, and O'Malley slammed the lid shut. "I almost feel it would be faster to level the city than to search for these morons. Unfortunately, we haven't access to the means."

"What do you mean? You came in on a military ship."

"Owned by the UNSC," Doc corrected, "And as far as they're concerned, we're not military. So no big guns for us. Which is fine by me; I'm a conscientious objector."

"You're a pacifist?"

"Yes, unfortunately he is. Red Sergeant! Where are you!"


	10. Search, B-Part

As the Blues, RWBY, Sun, and Neptune searched the streets of Vale, the Reds had begun to take a rest from their expedition. "Not one," Grif breathed. "Not one White Fang since we've been out here!"

"It's only been a few minutes," Simmons said. "Did you really expect finding these guys would be that easy?"

"I just figured I'd give my two cents."

"Your two cents ain't worth a hay penny," Sarge grunted. "And besides, we're not just lookin' for White Fang; we're huntin' for supper."

"See, Sarge, I've been thinking about that," Simmons spoke again. "Where are we going to find that exactly? We don't know if the local food is poisonous to us - we don't even know if there are any local places to _find_ food which, even if we did, would wind back to problem one."

"That's easy, Simmons. We'll just have Grif taste-test the food first. If it's deadly poison, we'll just avoid it."

Grif grumbled as Simmons responded, "Okay, but what about after that? Do we just taste-test until we're all dead?"

"Nonsense. We'll give the food three shots. That way, at least one of us will survive to know not to eat the food."

"You're going to kill us all," Grif said, "in hopes that you don't starve to death?"

"It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Now," Sarge clapped his hands together, "What will we try first?"

Donut pointed across the street. "How about ice cream?"

The others looked, becoming suddenly aware of an ice cream parlor on the other side. "...I guess if I'm gonna die," Grif answered, "I at least want to die from something I enjoy."

/-minutes earlier-/

"Something just occurred to me."

"What?"

"We have no idea who we're looking for."

Neptune blinked. "So we don't. Does it matter that much?"

Sun shrugged. "We won't be too much help, but I guess it doesn't."

"Let's grab a bite."

"You buying?"

"Mine."

/-present-/

Sun and Neptune watched as four awestruck individuals entered the ice cream parlor. "People here sure know how to make a place look great," the smallest one noted. "This place even looks like soft serve!"

"You're telling me," one of the bigger ones said.

Sun gave Neptune a look. "Pfft," he said, subtly jabbing a thumb in that direction. "Tourists."

Before the other big one - the one with the gun - could order, the tall, wiry one pulled him back. "Wait, Sarge," he said, "How are we gonna pay? We don't have money."

"Hm..." Sarge droned, "You're right."

Neptune and Sun gave each other multiple arguing looks before Sun gave up. Neptune stood, approaching the group. "I'll pay for you guys," he offered.

The group made several awkward looks at him and each other before the one called Sarge spoke again. "Mighty kind of you. What do you recommend?"

"Well, this place has about any flavor you can think of. Please, just go easy."

The other big one thought a moment before deciding. "Do they have neapolitan?"

/-/

Neo glanced up when she heard her name. Four odd individuals were apparently ordering her namesake, and the brat with the annoyingly blue hair seemed to be paying. She ate another spoonful of her sundae as she looked at her cohort. ["Is that them?"]

["Yeah,"] he grunted. ["I recognize them."]

Neo mutedly sighed. ["Break time is over then, I guess. Dr. Church's chip will have to wait a minute."]

She retrieved her umbrella as the giant enthusiastically flipped the table.

/-/

Simmons and the good samaritan hit the wall, sandwiched between it and the suddenly airborne table. Sarge, Donut, and Grif had just enough sense of self-preservation to hit the dirt as the ever-massive Maine cracked his knuckles. "Holy shit," Grif said. "Of all the places..."

The small woman next to Maine curtsied, an umbrella set over her shoulder. The rest of the building cleared out, save for a blonde faunus with a long slender tail. "Friends of yours?" the boy asked.

"No," Sarge said, standing, "Not really."

Donut rolled out of the way as Maine brought a fist to ground, attempting to grind the small soldier into a fine powder.

/-/

Maine recoiled at how hard he hit the parlor floor. He gripped his hand, cracking the knuckles back into place. Neo tapped his elbow. ["You still aren't completely used to our gravity, are you?"]

He shook his head. ["I feel heavier."]

["Let me handle them."]

Something hit Maine on the back of the head. He turned, seeing a scruffy blond kid with oversized nunchucks. "You want some of this?" He taunted.

["Can I kill that one?"] Maine asked.

Neo nodded. ["Don't hurt yourself."]

/-/

The small woman approached the Reds calmly while Maine dealt with the monkey kid. "Uh..." Grif started, standing up. "Hi?"

She jabbed him in the solar plexus with her umbrella, causing him to double over and immediately fly back as she unfolded it. In the same motion, she flicked her wrist to block a shotgun blast from Sarge, who had scrambled to his feet as well. "What in blazes -?"

Folding the parasol again, she brought the handle around to hook the shotgun, preventing a retaliatory attack by kicking his trigger hand. She then swung her peculiar weapon like a bat, launching Sarge's boomstick into Grif's crotch. Sarge backed away, allowing their benefactor to attack with a fancy-looking poleaxe. "Everything here is just so stylish!" Donut half-yelled in glee, rising to his feet. "The buildings, the clothes, the weapons - just wow!"

The kid attempted several jabs and swings with the extended weapon, all of which were effortlessly dodged or deflected by the simple manipulations of a weirdly durable umbrella by a girl almost half as tall as any of the Reds. "You four get out of here," he yelled getting parried again. "If you can't fight, you can't win!"

"We'll hold these two off!" the blond guy said, dodging another haymaker.

/-/

"I don't remember too much from this one," Tucker said, continuing, "but 'Journey to the West,' I think, was about this kid who fought with a... was it a staff? The only reason I know about it is cause I had to write a report for it in high school English."

"That's supposed to be Sun?"

"Right down to the name."

"Okay, okay," Yang began to think, mildly fascinated at all the parallels she was learning about. "What about General Ironwood?"

"Him? Hm... I don't know, actually."

"Penny?"

Tucker shrugged. "I didn't pay too much attention to those fairy tales; these are just the ones every kid heard."

A commotion started ahead of them as people fled from a building on the right. "What's going on over there?"

"I don't know," Tucker flashed his sword on. "But I'm guessing they're not afraid of nothing."

"Could be the Reds sparking trouble with the locals." Yang pounded her fists together, priming her Ember Celica.

"It better not be." As soon as he said it, the Reds bar Sarge exited in the same state of panic as the rest of the crowd. He sighed. "Of course it is..."

/-/

"Tucker!" Something burst through the window of the ice cream parlor behind the Reds. Sun rolled out of the way as Maine attempted to tackle, and Sarge flew out shortly thereafter with Neptune.

Neo strutted out behind the behemoth, brushing some loose debris off her jacket. ["Good work,"] she commended. ["Messy, but good."]

["Could you do better?"] Maine growled, headbutting the monkey boy.

["Given time, yes."] She stopped, sensing a disturbance. Turning, she saw the familiar furious blaze of golden hair that was Yang Xiao Long bearing down on her. She unfolded Stoic Parabrella, countering the attack with ease. ["We meet again,"] she grinned.


	11. Search, C-Part

"Who the fuck is that?" Tucker asked, ducking a flying Neptune.

"Neo!" Yang called back, pressing her assault futilely. "She's how your bad guy got out!"

 _"That's_ teleport girl?" Grif asked incredulously. "She's like four feet tall; she beat us with an umbrella!"

"She - ungh! - has a way of doing that!" Hoping to stun the small woman, Yang blasted the ground between them, sending both flying in opposite directions. The difference being that, while Yang was forcibly launched backward, Neo used her newfound momentum to cartwheel back, flipping a handful of times for no apparent reason than to show off. She stopped, opening her umbrella and fanning herself with her hand.

Meanwhile, Maine had managed to uproot a small tree and had begun to use it as a weapon. "How!" Sun yelled, dodging as much as he could, "Is this guy! Possible!?"

"Reds!" Tucker said, "Go help Sun with Maine. Blondie and I will take care of short-stuff."

/-/

[" 'Short stuff?' "] Neo stamped her foot, folding Stoic Parabrella again. ["How dare you!"]

["You're little,"] Maine grunted, swinging the cedar again to no avail. ["Get over it."]

She sighed, regaining her composure. ["I'll just have to make quick work of him, then."]

The one she later would find out was called Tucker charged at her with a glowing sword. She opened her parasol again, ready to deflect the attack. "Swish!"

This was ludicrous. The sword cut through her impenetrable shield like it were a simple sheet of paper without so much as a recoil. ["No!"] she silently cried. ["That was a gift from Mr. Torchwick!"]

["Calm down, little girl!"] Maine howled, kicking the small "Red" to the ground.

That was the last straw. _["I am not little!"]_

/-/

Yang fired another shot at the now defenseless Neo, who retaliated with a puff of red Dust from the end of her ruined umbrella. The Dust ignited when the blast hit, torching the other foliage that lined the road and creating a smokescreen. The petite woman lunged at Tucker, raking his sword arm with a narrow, razor-sharp blade of her own. "Ow! Bitch!" He dropped the sword, holding his new wound as Neo jabbed at his legs. Tucker began to half-dodge, half-dance around the assault. "This! Lady! Is! Crazy! Aah! Yang! Please! Help! Me!"

/-/

"Did you hear that?"

"I hear a lot of things," Doc said tentatively. "You're gonna need to be a little more specific."

"An explosion." Blake paused, turning west. "Some gunfire - a shotgun, maybe - and... That's Yang's Ember Celica!"

"An explosion, you say?" Omega mused, obviously intrigued. "Let's go see just what the ruckus is."

"This way!"

/-/

"Was that an explosion?" Ruby asked.

"Was what an explosion?"

"The... explosion I guess? I think it came from that way; it might be the Reds."

"Nah, I don't think the Reds could make an explosion..." Caboose started to whisper, almost as loud as he talked, "They aren't very smart."

"They figured out how to fly a bullhead in the course of a few minutes."

"What? When did they do that?"

/-/

Wash stopped with a sigh. "That better not have been them."

"It sounds like it came from Fourth Street," Weiss said. "This alley will take us there."

"First they run off, then they start blowing up the city..."

"Mr. Washington," he looked over. "We should be going."

The ex-Freelancer pinched the bridge of his nose and followed.

/-/

"Is it just me," Grif said, holding his shoulder, "or does Maine hit even harder now?"

"The higher gravity must be compressing his muscles," Simmons guessed. "Like when Goku was on his way to Namek and -"

"You are such a _nerd!_ "

Maine interrupted their commentary with a hard kick, knocking the two to the ground in one motion. Then, simply for the purpose of overkill, he grabbed Donut and proceeded to hammer both of them with the smallish sim-trooper.

"Hey, you overgrown brick-shithouse!" Maine turned to see an angry Sarge pump his shotgun. "Nobody treats my soldiers like that but me! Now how d'you wanna play this? You got no armor, and I have a shotgun with three shots left - two more than I need!"

Maine pretended to think about it before throwing Donut at the Red sergeant and charging. The hit from his flying comrade staggered Sarge, and Maine tackled him into a lamp post. "Oof! Ugh... You were supposed to surrender!"

/-/

Neo made slashing at her opponent's legs while dodging around someone else's attacks look easy, flowing between the two effortlessly. Yang nearly got a hit in, but the petite woman flung her to the ground with her own weight, pinning her with her arm at a painful angle. Neo was fresh out of mercy, and she was making a show of it by sadistically pushing the arm further forward. Yang let out a pained groan, and Neo smiled. ["Come on, Xiao Long; I need this!"] Another push, and the one called Tucker attempted to intervene. Neo held her sword out to stop him. ["I've drawn your blood once today,"] she glared at him, pointing briefly to his hand and various cuts on his legs. ["I'm done with you."] One more push was all it took for Yang's arm to twist out of socket. She screamed in anguish, and Neo gasped elatedly. ["Ah, that's it."] She dropped the juggernaut's arm and whistled. ["Maine, we're leaving."]

["So soon?"] he asked, ramming the Red sergeant into the post a second time.

["Yes. We're on an errand for Dr. Church. We can't waste any more time."] Even without looking, she sidestepped an attempted sucker punch from Tucker, tripping him as she did. ["They're not a threat to us anymore."]

["You don't know what they can do."]

"No," The two of them turned to see Washington, the Blues, the remainder of Team RWBY, and one that Maine didn't recognize, "you don't."

"You speak Maine?" Grif coughed.

"When you work with a mute for six years, you pick up what he's trying to say pretty fast. I'm more surprised that he's able to communicate with Strawberry Shortcake over there."

["She's not little,"] Maine defended quickly. ["Just fun-size."]

"Yeah, that's adorable. So, if you were gonna leave, I suggest you do. You're outnumbered."

["You're outmatched."]

"You're outgunned." Ruby cocked her scythe for effect as Wash continued. "So go ahead."

Maine gave Neo a look before answering. ["...Fine,"] he growled. ["We were leaving anyway."]

/-/

After Maine and Neo flashed out, the Reds got up off the ground, only to immediately get smacked back down by Tucker, Wash, and Yang. "What the hell were you four thinking?" Wash said angrily.

"Don't look at us," Simmons answered, "It was Sarge's idea."

"I don't care whose idea it was, because it was a bad one. Do you realize the kind of trouble you could have gotten into?"

"Uh," Grif gestured around at the wreckage the fight had done to Fourth Street. "Yeah. We have an idea."

Sarge stood. "Wash, they're right. This time it was my fault."

"What?" the rest of the Blood Gulchers said in unison.

"All I wanted was to rustle up some grub with my men. I should have belayed that order until we had new names. Can you forgive me?"

"...No. I can forgive the other three; they were just following the orders of the only guy that's able to give them. But you? You have nobody to listen to but yourself. If you actually didn't want any of this to happen, you'd have stayed in the Red Room the extra hour or so for Team RWBY to come back with our aliases! So no, I don't forgive you, and neither do the others I hope, but I'm not gonna -!"

"I forgive him." Everyone turned to look at Ruby. "He was hungry, I get it. I would have probably done the same thing in his shoes. Is that something we should get worked up over?"

"I'm with Ruby," Blake said. "Sure, Sarge gave the order, but his options to him were leave or starve. I would have done the same too."

Yang growled in defeat. "I can't argue with that... not from you."

"Well, I'm with Mr. Washington," Weiss declared. "What the Reds did was reckless and frankly could have gotten them killed."

"Thank you."

"But... I can't say I wouldn't forgive them." She looked at Wash. "Sorry."

"So, Team RWBY is almost completely against you, Wash," Tucker observed. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"Shove... toilet brushes down their, uh, gullets or..." Everyone now looked at Doc, who seemed to be channeling a less-than-motivated Omega. "Ugh, I can't do this anymore. Guys, I have to tell you. I lost O'Malley."

"What?" The Blood Gulch Crew asked angrily.

"How?" Blake asked. "We just spoke to him on our way here."

"No, that was me. I've been covering for him."

"Why?" Tucker half-yelled.

"He asked. What was I supposed to say?"

"What the f- How about 'No?' That's the _only_ thing you should say in that instance! Except maybe 'Fuck you!' "

"How long has he been gone?" Wash asked.

"Uh... Since we left the base."

"Oh my shit."

/-/

Engineer Brown, a mechanic at said base, was performing diagnostics on one of the AK-130s, which had gone on the fritz just the other day. "Okay, you metal bastard," he grumbled under his breath. "Tell me what's wrong with you."

The mech spun around, clamping the engineer's throat and shoving him against the wall. _"Nothing is wrong,"_ it said in a deep, gravely voice. _"In fact, everything is just how I like it."_ With a flick of its wrist, the Knight cracked Brown's neck before dropping him to the floor. _"This should be exciting."_

/-End Volume-/


End file.
